An Interview with My Dad

My dad's heart is massive. He will never let on how big it is.  It doesn't take much to make him smile.  He wants to be everyone's friend and his biggest fault is that he wants to fix everything for everyone.

I got this idea of interviewing the people in my life to see what new tidbits I could unearth.  I decided to start with my Dad because, in all honesty, I knew he would make me laugh the hardest.

Me: Tell me a random fact about yourself. [blank look and silence] C'mon, come up with something.  Tell me a random story you've never told me before.
Dad: That I never told you before?  I didn't tell you for a reason, how could I tell you now?!

C'mon!
I don't have anything.

Dad! I'll come back. What advice would you give to yourself ten years ago?
DON'T DO IT.

What does that mean?
No children! No, no.

Ten years ago that wouldn't help you.  Ten years ago, 2006!
Save more money.

That's it?
Yeah, retire early.

Name someone who's influenced you.
Interesting.  It depends.

It could be more than one person.
Well, I guess some of the people I worked with who who helped me along in the beginning.  Like as a junior person to learn and then go on from there.

And so like, because of them you became more interested in computer programming, is that what you're saying?
Well they helped me along it was easy to talk to them, they didn't go like "Oh, you're an idiot" type thing, you know what I mean?  Coworkers that helped me through my career, how's that?

Sure.
Sure, you're gonna change the words.

No, I'm not.  What do you think is one of your greatest strengths?
My buttocks.  The girls love it they always--no stop!  Don't put that there!  Loyal.  No-uh.

I think you're loyal.
I know but, helpful, help people I guess.

How do you do that?
Just helping them if they have a project or something.  What are you doing?!

Nothing, it's just funny!
Why?

What do you think is one of your weaknesses?
Children.

No! Your weaknesses!
My daughter.

No!
She's my weakness, she's my kryptonite.  She kills me.

My daughter is my kryptonite.
Why are you writing this?!?

'Cause Dad! What is your favorite body part and why?
See?  On me? Or on somebody else?

You!
My flowing hair. No!

[Laughs] That's funny.  C'mon! Like, I like my arms.
I never thought about like, "Oh that's awesome I like that."

Maybe when you were younger.
No, never.

Tell me about a passion you have and why?
I can't write that.

Not like a sexual passion, John.
Okay, okay.  Sports. I love sports.

Tell me a random fact about yourself.  We're going back here.
My daughter is a butt wipe.

That's not a random fact, that's an opinion.
Not everybody knows it!

How about a random fact I do know, I'm just not thinking about.
I don't require a lot of sleep.

That's true.  Name something that makes you happy.  I only have one more after this one.
Family.

It doesn't have to be one word.
Why are we doing this?

'Cause it's a nice idea. Why does family make you happy?
'Cause they're always there no matter what.

You're talking about me right?
No, I'm not talking about you.

What would you want to be remembered for?  It's the last one.
Being a nice person.  That's it, nothing else.

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